sexualizing cheese

In the afternoon of the 1rst of february a man came running towards me, somewhat slomo-like. Wide steppes, and he was holding his arms like a football-player or so, moving in a constructed trollish way. Seemed he was heading towards the record-shop( the second-hand-shop ) behind me, they are marking it as their territory. I had just bougth a record online. He was a taller sportive blonde man, wearing a black woolen pullover, with some red on it.
In the early evening, this time i was walking, in the sidestreet that leads from a petrolstation to the cheap supermarket( the righists with the flag showed up on the 17th jan. there ) a woman in front of me turned around twice and holded up her hand, beckoning on my by moving it like a windscreen wiper, both times the same, so she appeared to be programmed. There was no one else this could have been adressed at. Maybe in her 50ies, black coat, a shoulder bag. She turned in the next street, so i didn't, because i don't wanted to be near the stalker. I entered the supermarket, it seemed to be a spontaneous idea to me, but maybe it just resulted from not turning in the direction of the woman. In the supermarket there was a bald person who remindet me a martial art-teacher( in the school that was owned by the one from the 24/27th jan. ), in companion of someone who was obviously gay. This would be funny, i had to stop training because i was the gay there. At one of the tills there was their clerk, so i stood in line at the other one. At the woman in front of me the female clerk couldn't scan an article, when this happened it's usually to get someone in position. This time there was a black man passing when i had paid, maybe they wanted me to face a black man. The last person who had raised a greeting arm was the black one on the 30th of jan., so maybe the black one now and the woman should combine to a comment on this, smudging it.
When i arrived back a neighbour left, when i had left a neighbour outside was just taking out her key, the last time before when i arrived back and opened also a neighbour left.

In the morning of the second i woke up because someone rung the door. It was one of my neighbours and a friend, maybe a relative. They had lost their key.
About one hour later someone passing the house said " of course he's ensnaring them all...you know the eye eats more than the gastric can take...haha "( "...verführt natürlich alle...du weisst das auge isst mehr als der Magen abkann..haha" ). Seemed they are taking revenge for me opening the door, sexualizing it, because one of the two was black.
I joined a demonstration before noon, when some clowns made fun of a viewer on a balcony a man behind me sayed "lock up" when i looked at them. This sounded as if this was adressed at me, instead a comment on the clowns. It was a bigger man, maybe late 40ies, i think it had a sexual meaning for him. Later, when the object of the complainment was in sigth, a man behind me sayed "there is the enemy"( "da ist der Feind" ), in the moment when i just had looked in the direction of some demonstrators, among them a clown who was black. The way he said it had this typical aimed pronounciation, as the "lock up" before. Haven't turned around, but must have been some of the black dressed lefties, i think there were three males behind me. I've seen one person i knew once there, but he concentrated not looking at me when he passed. At the end there were speakers, a woman said "techno-freaks" would like this power-plant, because building it would be loud, and then added "these tf", as if they she was talking about certain persons who are really supporting this. So it sounded overdone, and it reminded me one of their leaders.
About one hour after i was back a couple( sounded like this )passed in front of the house, the woman loudly declared "at the moment i have no problems !"( "Also, im Moment habe ich keine Probleme" ).
I was at the near supermarket in the afternoon, when i left a black dressed young slender man passed down at the street, when he was in line of me he toched the frame of his glasses, moving them to say he knows that i would think to be in the know( look through it->den Durchblick haben ). He did not look at me, but with the timing, beeing in line ofme, it was clearly adressed at me, and obviously an ironic gesture. He had a plaited iroquese haircut, black and neon-like green, and the sleeves of his pants and sweater got wider to the ends, like trumpets, obviously a techno-freak, an especially stylish one. At the near streetcrossing a woman on a bicycle came towards me, looking at me, she had a shoulder-bag with the swiss flag on it. Think she was a techno-fan.

When i was outside in the afternoon of the 3rd, walking in the park, a young slender man came towards me, he came from a bank at the water and closed a short khaki stretch-scarf behind his head, covering his face below his eyes. He looked at me while mumming, then turned around and walked in front of me. He wasn't fast and walked like an older man. He imitated the rhythm of my steps and then slowed down at the near crossing, and because he was nasty and i didn't wanted to get close to him he slowed me down with this, like a breake. When i then shuffled with a step he aped this. He was wearing a dark coat, was dressed somewhat conservativly, would have fitted better to older person, could have been the mummed one from the 30th of jan., commenting himself. Later, it was already dark, a man wearing baggy pants came towards me, i first thougth he would be a teenager, there was such an expression in the energetic straigthforward-way he moved, but when i looked at his gaunt face he must have been in his 30ies. He made big steps, using much space, and there was tension on his body, especially his legs. He wanted me to react by stepping to the side. When he had passed he loudly coughed, it was a kiai. Maybe he hoped to be more unsettling, and that why couldn't trigger and discharged later.

In the early afternoon of the 4th a man came towards me, forming his mouth to a round hole while pressing his tongue at his upper jaw, looking like a inflatable doll. When he was next to me he made two short scuffling stomping steps on the balls of his feet, to make pressure. He was wearing a camoflage jacket, wide jeans, a trained person, maybe 40, won't wonder if he was in organized crime.
When i was at the cheap supermarket in the afternoon there was only one open till, with their clerk sitting there. People paying before me seemed to personally know him, especially two pimple-burdened glad teenagers. He behaved normally, i didn't say anything. It's too funny, he harrassed me again and again, now they scaled him down in a few steps, and know he expects that i have to accept that it has just been his rigth to do so, and it's nothing personally, because he lacks a motive and just did was his superiors told him. He pressed the change sligthly into my hand. Also someone behind me, a taller black dressed man, seemed to know him. Society supports him. The man outside who sells a magazine had also stalked me.
When i was in the bank in the afternoon there was a good-looking teenage-girl standing there in the middle between the automates, facing me, like presentation. Not sexual or so, just that i would have to recognize the person. There had been also two men, when i got out one of them stepped behind me, this was before i passed the girl who was standing at an automat now. The man had estimated this and i had to stop, ending up in the same step-position like him, facing the girl. It was as if he wanted to become me, transfer into me. He was dressed in black and had a short grey beard, what they talked before seemed to be a bet if he would get me there.
When i was at the near supermarket a younger man looked at me, i instinctivly dodged this, just because he was black. Then immediatly i recognized that he was my neighbour, but i had already looked away and he got it. He isn't one of their racial ones and has not much similarity with them, but the theme was present to me.

When i was walking on a street at the park in the afternoon of the 5th, the first one of them was an old man with a brown coat, he was a nosegesturer. On the next streetcrosing an agressive man, grey hair and a dull orange jacket, came towards me, he slightly but abruptly adjusted his direction so he was heading towards me, and i automatically adjusted mine not to collide with him. The next one, still at the park, had a similar expression, he was walking somewhat faster than me, When he had passed me he turned his head twice or thrice at 90° to the side, to show that he was there because he was aware of me. He was an athletic man, seemed really well-trained, his face had some similarity with Uri G., maybe thats why they picked him. He had a very straigth body and neck posture, And with his dark hair, jacket and gloves he did remind me the man with the earphones from 31rst of jan.. This one now was wearing a jack wolveskin-jacket, grey pants and white swiss-sneakers. In front of the streetcrossing a black woman with a baby carriage came towards me, next to her was a little child who yawned and made a few steppes towards me when i was close. The next person was a darker man, maybe 50, who was standing on the other side of the streetcrossing, when there was green ligth he moved that i could not now if he wanted to pass me to the rigth or the left, so i was irritated for a moment and stopped. So i had looked at a black child, and now they show that they are watching me. The man wanted to draw conclusions from the degree of my irritation about thougths i could have had when watching the child. He had routine stopping someone that way, i think he did something like this before independently.
On my way back from a petrolstation at nigth a police-bus stopped on a bigger street, there was no traffic at all, i had to stop. The driver was speaking very loud, with overdone pronunciation, he wanted me to tell him why they stopped me. I sayed because of the ligth, and he sayed that it was also because i was on the wrong side, and i had to corrrect this now and and also get off the bicycle( " das und verkehrte Seite, das korrigieren sie jetzt" ). So they obviously made fun of me, on the wide pavement no one would care about the side even during daytime, with no people both getting off and changing side would make no sense. It was political humour. I took another way, along the park, for the case that they would turn around. Near home two men passed me , one of them was dressed in black, the other one was wearing a blue goretexjacket, he said "ocasionally"( "gelegentlich" ), to be heared.

When i passed an opened entrance in the morning of the 6th, a hackled up woman, maybe 50, on the stairway inside loudly shouted "someone is reading out !"( "da liesst einer vor !" ).
In the evening i bougth me fast food at an asian restaurant, when i left a somewhat darker man, maybe arabian background, entered. He looked into my eyes, with a neutral expression, but walked straigthforward, he surprised me and i stepped to the side, so he won. His expression made a contrast to the way he moved, for him it was his natural rigth to harass me. He was athletic, trained, and wearing a black jacket.

When i woke up on the 7th, there was constantly a woman talking in the flat above me. It was so consistent that i first thougth it must be tv or so, the only word i understood was an autogenous "i'm tired"( "ich bin müde" ).
When i arrived at the park at noon a police-car passed me. At the end of the encircling street they turned around to pass me again. They were watching me, seemed they were the policemen from the 5th, this was the way i had choosen not to encounter them again.
In the afternoon i was in the supermarket where i bougth a bottle on the 16th of jan., on my way there were two dark dressed with sunglasses near the supermarket, to comment a cd i got that day, and two sniffing females on bicycles near home. A woman and a sunlassed one each on my way to the market and back, much symmetrical stalker-pattern. In the supermarket the person in line of me seemed to be a young teenager, but she had a shapey female body for that. I somehow had the feeling that she could be one of them, maybe because of the very sligth but fast electrifyed momentums she constantly had while moving, so i didn't want to get too close. She seemed to be young because of the texture of her long straigth hair and the typical way she moved. When i was putting my wares on the band-conveyor in a moment i was looking in her direction she turned around, holding her face directly in front of mine. This was very fast and she got the rigth moment, normally only trained people could do so, and few could estimate the distance for the faces. She was holding her face there for maybe a second, then took it away in much the same way. It was so close that i couldn't look at her, because it would have been intimate, so she was faceless. Maybe she was conditioned with hypnosis for that, some of them are, and all this locking on me often seemes to be already on the border to it.
When i was outside in the late afternoon in the park a couple with two little children on bicycles came towards me. The woman was dressed in black and had black hair, she was hand in hand with her friend, a skinhead with a black sweater and snow-camouflage-pants. The woman explained "you will stay on the rigth side"( "ihr blaibt rechts" ), wich didn't fit as an instruction for the children, they were used as a plea for a political comment that connects to the policemen from the 5th. The skinheads expression said that the acting was too awkward for his taste, maybe because he was presented for that. At the streetcrossing at the park where the darker man has been on the 5th, now there was a black man who breathes out deeply before passing me. Later in a sidestreet a black dressed man with glasses and short black hair came towards me, he looked at me with his mouth gaping open, wet eyes. Short distance later there was another man with the same expression, a blonde punk. The first had a fleshy face, the second was gaunt, both in their 40ies, walking in line. Behind them a little boy followed, seemed he was also part of that. In front of a hospital there was a taller black man with long rastas standing, at the other side of the street. He first stood with his back towards me, he was wearing a punk leather jacket with spikes and something written on it, maybe he wanted to show me. Seemed he belonged to the gapers. Then he turned around and looked at me, smiling. I had already seen him on the 4th, the time i was outside when the man in the bank stood behind me to make me face the teenage girl, later i passed two young teenage girls( with bicycle, as usual ), they recognized me lately, turned around and smiled. The next person, short distance further, was this black man, who also looked at me and smiled, as he did now. And now he was also presenting a sheet with photos or so printed on it, in a polythene foil, like magazine sellers do.
This day i've descibed all of them.

At 1:30am of the 8th some men, i think they were three, came down the street here, one was twice loudly shouting a name. I knew someone with that name, as far as i knew he lives inanother city since 2000 or so. The pronounciation would also fit, exept it was overdone, they were paroding. Down the street they shouted "eh" and "hö", just vowels. Twenty minutes later again, they came down from the same direction, don't know if they had walked a circle or if these were others, one of them was shouting the name twice in front of the house. I said "shut up"( "halt die Fresse" ), seemed they were irritated that i dared to response, they walked down the street, once more the name, but not loud, then they stopped and were exchanging some words. At 2:30 they came up the street, stopped at the streetcrossing and hissed, to make fun of my complainment. Then street down, one crossing further, there was a bang, seemed one of them fired a gas-pistol. Probably they were rightists.
In the forenoon a man with a cellphone was standing below the window, with his back towards me. He said "tell your mom what the price for parking 5 meters in front of a crossing is "( "sag mal deiner Mama was das kostet, 5m vor der Kreuzung parken" ). The only context i could think of is this could have been a cop who doesn't think that demonstrating against nazi should be criminalized( but it would be about a demonstration years ago, not the environmental one in this posting ). He was wearing a dark jacket with an intense blue between the shoulders, wich is like the blue of the police, but was also the favourite stalkers colour in '02. He had a retriever dog with him.
When i brougth down some waste there was a man standing in front of the entrance, he just wanted to enter. He said three words, didn't understand the first two, the third was "Deutschland", he spoke the vowels somewhat longer, it was the name of his company. He said he would be from cable tv and was here for meter-reading. After throwing away the waste i got back end opened the celler-door, walked down with him. We stood in front of the access, there were no meters that could have been read. He explained that if cable-tv would be watched illegally there would a cable coming out of the side of the access, but here everything would be under seal( verplombt ). Seemed he wanted to explain further details, i yawned while he was gesticulating an imaginary illegal cable. He was strange, he then wanted to know who would be the caretaker of the house, i had already locked the cellar-door, when i got outside he noticed the adress on the wall, despite obviously no one here had interest in cable-tv, and he should have known the caretaker before. He had shorter dark hair, maybe 50 years, he was carrying a black case and was dressed with an orange jacket, the colour of the stalkers in '01, it was as if the cellar magnetically had attracted him.
I walked to the baker, there were some people before me, when i bougth bread exept the saleswoman there was only a girl in the shop. She seemed to be extremely horny, she was giving it off. Not vulgar, but intense, it was too present. She leaned on the cabinet as if it would be a bar, looking like ready now. I felt like mammal. Then she ordered a cheese-croissant, speaking as if she would whisper dirty wishes. Sexualizing cheese-croissant towards an older female baker was too silly, no matter how horny chicks could be, i doubted she knew at all what she was doing. She had enhanced the intimate, it was like inverted. She was dressed in black, a detail on her boots fitted to my girdle, i bougth it last year, and cutted it to rigth length two days ago, wearing it since then. She could have been the same girl from the day before in the supermarket, she had the same hair colour. Then they would have cutted her hair, used another shampoo and exchanged typically young teenage motoric for a bitchy one. They both had the same theme, the intimate. The girl now looked like from a glossy magazin, age would be perfect 17. On my way back the cable-tv-man came towards me, he had walked up the street but then turned around.
His illegal-cable-comment would fit to the burned house in Ludwigshafen, but i think at this point it was at least not officially mentioned as a possible source for the fire.
The next time i was outside a little boy on a bicycle came towards me at a streetcrossing at the near place, short distance behind him a couple turned in, walking in the familiar determined way, they wanted to be recognized, i still was mentally spammed enough to look away. The man said "he didn't play with that"( "damit spielt er nicht rum" ), seemed this was to connect my penis to the boy. I was at the shopping centre, this time i was outside there have been several lefties who had a look at me, one was wearing a turned fligth jacket, showing the orange.
When i was at home and looked out of the window a nosegesturer passed, a younger man, maybe 20, probably turkish background, wearing an olive green jacket.
When i was outside in the afternoon a nosegesturer, at some animals some of what people sayed seemed to be vaguely genital comments, there were also children, when i was in the shopping centre before and bougth tabacco it was somewhat like this, something seemed to be a comment, then i don't know if other is still also, an attention-consuming sphere with foggy borders.
When i was at a petrolstation in the evening there where two people, one of them explained "one couldn't talk normally to her"( "mit der kann man ja nicht normal reden" ), wich was ironically.
Have described this day detailed.

In the morning of the 9th someone outside sayed "good luck, bye"( "viel glück, tschüss" ), somewhat sarcastic, to symbolize someone who would abandone me.
On my way to a baker a man in his 20ies, wearing a blue hooded sweater, came out of a house, from the corner of my eye i've seen that he made a wide gesture for drinking beer. In the last time i often drink a few in the evening, including yesterday. In the baker there have been many people, behind me there were three black dressed men, one was standing to my side, directly facing me, he was taking a firm stance and said "there are tigther(vaginas)"( "es gibt ja auch engere" ), so this was a comment on the girl in the baker the day before. So thats the usual inquisition, they make some pressure on me, this cannot lead to a conversation, and if it would happen despite of this they would have to attack me if i would tell them who does this.( Edit : maybe i've reflected too much in this, and they were just kind of pimps who blatantly accused me for not pickung on the girl, and i didn't get it because they always claim to be the highest morale ) So they can feel important with their marking now. On my way back a man who looked like a well-known local comic-artist passed me, and three people had a look on me, two estimating, one hostile, lefties.

I was in the near supermarket at noon, there were two rigthist stalkers, one was smaller but not weak, short hair and suntanned, he stood in front of me and looked into my eyes, somehow stupid, nearly astounded. The other one was bigger, dark hair, black jacket, black shoes with big buckles, he obviously followed me when i turned in a corridor. Perhaps they were the name-shouters, or even had to do with this girl now.
Short time before i got outside in the afternoon a man was walking down the street, he took a hunch-backed posture, and once a normal one to show that this was acting. He had dark hair and was wearing a black jacket, he had similarity with the one who had been made their mobber in favour when i tried to get into the next bigger town in about 2000.
When i got outside in the afternoon, on my way to the laundry, a dark black man came up the street here. He had repeatedly stalked me, seemed he lives or lived near me. When i was smoking a cigarette outside the laundry and looked to the left, there was the former burgomaster. In the moment i've seen him, without further looking in that direction, he decided to turn around and start running, he nearly run into a girl on a bicycle. He had an individual conspicious relaxed running style, and was in good condition, especially regarding his age. Street down he arived at a bus and was holding up his left had to signalize that the bus should wait for him, when he was behind it. He was wearing a dark jacket and khaki cord pants. Short time later a man crossed the street, coming from the rigth, running till he arrived on the place. He was bald, had a big full beard, maybe late 30ies, cannot really say because of the distance, no jacket, only sweater, he had the same running style. When i was inside the laundry again a man started running, short distance in front of the streetcrossing, but then stopped with already half a feet on the street, because of the traffic ligth, despite lack of traffic. He then turned and affiliated a circle, looking at me wich was nasty. He had grey hair, but was in good shape, and a detail of his hair had similarity with mine, maybe that's why they picked him. When i was outside again another man started running, this one street up, some distance away. I didn't want to see one more running man, so i turned around. He passed me running, close for no reason. He was overweigthed and was wearing disadvantageous tigth olive green sweater and pants, both made of thin cloth, no jacket. Just when i had left the laundry two heavier black woman with a baby carriage came towards me, short distance further there was a blonde woman, maybe in her 40ies, with a cellphone, she said "halo, here is eva". With the "halo" she was aping a female neighbour of me, who was much younger than she, the "eva" was part of the title of a record i got today. Seemed it was fun to her. Short distance further there was a black man standing in front of two taller white ones, seemed he was the stalker who appeared when i got outside( have seen him only from behind now ). I had the impression that he had to obstruct the two others.
When i was outside in the late afternoon in the pedestrian zone one of two men said " how should we act like"( "wie sollen wir uns verhalten" ), before passing me. He sounded somewhat broken, didn't look at them, but they could have been the two at the black one before.
Have described the very most that day.

When i got outside in the early afternoon of the 10th there was a black dressed man standing at the streetcrossing here. He was standing on the street, facing straigth to the end up the street, didn't move. He was shaved bald, his chin-beard was a dark thin line, he was wearing a black beret, black sunglasses, black leather jacket and boots or shoes with a similar finish, all in black. His fashion added to the guard-like expression of his stance. When i had passed i turned around, he did also, seemed he had expected this.
I was at the baker at the railwaystation, at the stairs someone said "muslim". At the water there was a dark dressed skinhead with his girlfriend sitting on a bank. After he had looked at me he laughed and said "something like this exists"( "sowas gibt es" ). At the street in front of the bridge a grey-haired man with two leashed dogs stood next to me, he had stalked me before, he often sells magazines in front of the supermarket with their trained clerk. He said "why are you dragging"( "warum zieht ihr so" ), so this was to explain that i naturally attract them. He had already harrasset me with passing farting when they wanted to get me out of the park, but this was his holy duty. If don't like him because of this maybe i'm just not enlighted enough to see that they are without fail. I passed one more skinhead on my way back, he was wearing a black flight jacket, would somehow fit to the previous one, already in his 40ies. And a sniffer passed me, a long-haired rocker on a bicycle who crossed the street towards me.
When i was outside in the late afternoon i was sitting in the park. A group of people passed me, two women in the front, one was gesticulating and explained" he had supported this, and he had also supported that"( "er hat das unterstützt, und das hat er auch unterstützt" ), sounding really serious, one also turned around, looking at me. They were 10 people, maybe a dozen. They were walking somewhat faster, they had a goal and resembled a miniature-demonstration. Among the last ones there was a teenager with curly hair, he said "this would look even more gay", then turned around towards me, saying "so what"( "das sieht dann ja noch schwuler aus, ach egal" ). So this was a comment on the demonstration from the 2nd. In the middle there was a black man( not the clown from the demonstration ). Not much later a woman who had been my neighbour for a short time ten years ago passed me when i left the park, she had an absent expression, like faded out, and sligthly looked to the side. She was wearing an olive green parka and pants. Later there was an overdone acting about helping a wheelchair-driver. They used a real handicaped one for that. They had also moved/directed some others this time.
I had been outside twice after this, there have also been a few people who made comments or so, but they were different, they behaved like normal people. Two complained as a double because i had no ligth, but this didn't seem to be serious, more like cabaret.

On the 11th there was nearly nothing, a sligth sniffer with a dog, and then a jogging nosegesturer, both in the park.

In the beginning of this month my neighbour above me did nothing or nearly nothing the first days, then got back to toilet-following, also once used this ball, he puts it on the ground. But it's not so intense now. On the 5th he was tossing something on the ground, maybe a focus, could have been boots, sounded as if something was attached to them, clumsy rumbling things.