judgement drill

When i was outside in the early afternoon( i'm more often walking in the last time ) of the 4th of april, at the near place there was a black man watching me, looking into my face. He looked mostly curious, but also tensioned the muscles at one side of his neck, to come up with some physical presence. He had similarity with one who had stalked me repeatedly before, also the greyish colour of his jacket.
When i was outside in the afternoon, a fair blonde blue-eyed woman came up to me opposite the park. She was holding an as seriously and shirty face-expression as possible, and looked into my eyes, but her eyes somehow appeared as if she wouldn't really know the meaning of her expression. Short distance further a woman, brown hair, on a bicycle with bike trailer for children passed, the trailer was decorated by a swedish flag. The woman said, without accent "to be seen"( "damit man es auch sieht" ). So seemed there was some irony, and they accused me for the "foreigner/outlander-shouter in the park the day before. I was walking this time, on a wider street there was a man on a bicycle on the other side, moving in the same direction. Next to him there was a car of the customs parking, while passing he was holding his rigth arm across the car, as if he wanted to turn in a side-street, but there was none. He had shaved hair and was completly dressed like me, exept the shoes, but could have been the same as i mostly wear when going by bicycle. Later i had pain again, and i sat down on a bank in a park. Soon a jogger with an overdone stressed, already painful, face passed me, putting all his weigth in each of his steps. A tall heavyboned blonde man.
In the afternoon, when i was at home, there were some people outside, one made fun of me, health or so.
About half an hour later i heared one of these it's-my-life singers( see 1rst january ), usually drunk.
When i had left home in the late evening a police-car drove down the side-street here behind me, blue ligth and siren on. When i had arrived at the next bigger street another police car passed me. When i had arrived at a petrolstation a police-bus passed behind me, still same street, other direction as the one before. On my way back there were two women standing at a bus-stop. The one was a granny, the other one a darker asian, maybe about 50, not sure, it was dark. The granny was pointing with one hand at the asian, while explaining, obviously acting "i have no strengt"( "ich habe keine Kraft" ), the asian answered an knowing ironically "hm-hm". She was posing in a wide stance, usually had long-time tai-chi experience or so. Otherwise the street was empty.
I was ouside at midnigth, when i walked down the street here a nosegesturer passed, looked somewhat as if he had to do so. Somewhat heavier build, red jacket.

When i got outside in the afternoon of the 3rd, on my way to the near baker, the is-my-life-singer from the day before passed on the streetcrossing. He had new clothes, kind of dark suit of rougher material, and also new glasses. Seemed he concentrated on showing some attitude, despite alcohol still showed effect. Just around the corner two big weigth-trained men came towards me, both had the same proportions. The left( from my view )was a bald black one, the other one was a white and had black hair. They were carrying garden tools, hoes and rooks on long poles. At least the white one was holding more than one in his left hand, he said "do we already have three ?"( "haben wir schon drei" ), as if asking for time, but seemed to have a double meaning, whatever, number of his tools maybe. The black one said a "jaa" to put it in a conversation-context, but seemed somehow a little irritated. They were both wearing cotton track-pants. Natural patrol. I hink the white is the same from 18th march, maybe he also appeared on the 31rst, coming out of a bus with a comedian-writing on it, at night at a petrolstation. Cannot be sure, because they like to use people who have similarity. Cannot know if he somehow thinks this is funny, or if he is so assured of himself, because of his strength and motives, that he doesn't appear hostile with this. When i crossed the street in front of the baker a man came out, passed close to me on the street, entered a car behind me. When i've been in a supermarket in the shopping-centre the day before, he asked me to step to the side when i was standing in line, sounding as if he would be there to do so, then he was in front of me while i was walking back, till the market place. A weigth-trained man, shaved sides, black dyed upper hair, black sweater, cargo-pants.
I was walking for some time, once a woman on a bicycle came towards me, she abruptly shaped her lips to a "0", somewhat leaned to the side, but closed teeth, just for a moment, higher than wider, an absurd shape. She had much the same hair like me. Later at a bigger streetcrossing a man on a bicycle came towards me, black hair, glasses, and the eyebrows of spock. I think he also had the ears, but i've only seen from the corner of my eyes. On the other side of the street, where no pavement was, there was a granny, looking at me and pointing at her head, gesticulating that i would be mad. But looked as it would have no meaning to her.
In the evening i passed a group of punks in the park, not older than 20, one said "is this what you like"( "das fidest du gut ?" ), sounded as if it could have been adressed at me. On a meadow i passed a man who picked up dogshit with a plastikbag( thelaw ), he twice demonstratingly explained that he was doing so, interesting.
When i was at the bank at nigth, two of the punks entered behind me, about 2 1/2 hour after i've seen them in the park. One of them was standing in line of me to my side, for no reason, demontrativly watching me. He was leaning on a statement printer, did nothing exept watching me, the other one got money next to me when i did. He had a black jacket and chlored heans, a hooded sweater, the watching one had short hair, black jacket, black boots, rolled up khaki pants.

When i walked down to the supermarket at noon of the 4th, a man arrived at a corner of a house at the end. He fastly changed several times directions with a step, 90°, using the corner as a plea for his exercise. He'd leaned back his head, had a enthusiastic neurotic expression. Then he decided to come up the street. Already grey hair, but obviously trained, dressed in black. Seemed others also wondered.
When i was standing in line at another supermarket in the early evening, at the other till there was a man opposite to me, he had also bougth identical beers and placed them in the same formation on the band-conveyor. He was facing me, looked at me and then turned his head, to point out that he was attached at me. He had shorter hair, in his 20ies, was wearing a jacket lined with synthetic fur.
I was at a petrol-station at about 11pm, it opened when i arrived, despite it was closed before(pay outside). Maybe someone there wanted to have a look at me, a man wearing a dark coat. But wasn't overdone. When i arrived back at the street here a darker man came towards me, when he'd passed he articulated a vowel. I responded, he again, and i also. Somehow funny incident. He was wearing an orange hooded sweater beneath a jeans-jacket.

When i was outside in the morning of the 5th, there were some people standing in a near gateway, one signifyed something that it would have been a training lesson, seemed to be about the vowelist the day before. I was outside about one hour, four people had a look at me, it was like a scaling. The first looked mostly normally, somewhat sceptic, the second one showed kind of frozen interest, an older one, than a nasty one with umbrella, touching his herringbone-basecap when coming out of a shop, like greeting, and one other, something neurotic.
In the early afternoon a dark bald black man was coming towards me when i arrived at the market place. It was the only point where i would had to pass very close to him, because of a parking wagon, otherwise the place was emty. With the timing he was usually there because of me, i decided to turn at the wagon, passing it at the other side. O.k., he was just there to see if i would think he would be there because of me. When i had crossed the place another bald black one passed me, his face had similarity to the one before, exept he wasn't so dark. Also dressed in a similar style.
When i was outside with bicycle in the early afternoon, at the low bridge three women came towards me, when passing one said "hey, where did you collapse"( "na, wo bist du zusammengebrochen" ), followed by a short invidious laughter: hähä. Didn't look at them, they were wearing darker clothing, one had curly reddish ample hair, think the one speaking. When i was coming towards a group of young mostly black dressed lefties in front of the shopping centre, one said towards me "paranoia". Just stalking me to say i would think so, fit's to the ones from the market place. Short distance behind the lefties there was a dark black bald one, standing with the back towards me, had a cellphone. Dressed somewhat similar to the two at the place, think they all had flatcaps.

When i woke up on the 6th i felt bad, and all the time nasty one-word-thougths were popping up in my mind. I know this, stressed for always beeing guilty for whatever, these two-syllable thougths like to bug me, what i want to have least, mostly lacking context. But this spammind all the time when i wake up, that's somewhat much. I got outside, to get some normal impressions. There was flea-market, they would usually do something, but because of a higher number of people the % wouldn't be so high.
The first of them were in the pedestrian zone, somewhat spread, a familiar sniffing, then some of them stood behind me at the streetcrossing, one said "swimming against the stream, that's our motto"( "gegen den Strom schwimmen, das ist unser Motto" ), sounding somewhat nasty, they have their frequencies. I was eating fries, a robust black with a face like carved commented on this, sounded normally. There was also this beggar there, meditating with closed eyes, this time even the hands folded, perfectly. There have been some lefties who had a look at me, but not obstrusive. When i had moved on a man stopped in front of me, and a woman with a little child to my left, to my rigth there was a desk. The child was directly next to me, it was at that age when they just can walk. The man turned his head around and looked at me, in his left hand he was holding a solid drill bit upside down, the tip was directly aiming at my head or throat, diagonally from hip-heigth. They kept this frozen constallation, maybe for five seconds. Despite the man wasn't tall and didn't look strong, the heavy tool, becoming constantly wider towards his hand, he barely was able to encompass it, must have been more than and 20cm length, didn't move at all. Looked like a sculpture. Needless to say they didn't stop because of other people, so i was the "stream" that had been adumbrated. The man was obviously a martial artist, he did this concentrating on his exercise, without showing emotion. Greyish understated clothing, maybe early 40ies. The next one of them was the black one from the afternoon of the 1rst, with a concentrated serious expression, but he was just standing there. Did look younger than i thougth first, could still be in his 40ies, maybe with the beard he reminded me of an older one i had seen before. Then i was sitting on a bank in front of the shopping centre, a man on a bicycle was coming down the street. He looked at me with an neurotic eye, and i decided to give it back, think it was about the same. He had much the same hair as me, but darker, was dressed in black, grey hooded sweater, a lefty. But maybe this was just what they wanted me to do. I was at a near petrolstation, when i left a man and a woman passed me at the door, the man had paper in a transparent sheet and explained hectically "we can scan this"( "das können wir auch scannen" ), to comment on me giving back the eye. I have given a more ugly eye back once before, there have been two blacks, maybe in '05, i think it was the next time i came back home, then a black one who had similarity to the fries-commentator walked down the street here. When i arrived back at the streets here now, a black one who had stalked me repeately before passed me at the corner, this time with a normal expression( the one i described first in this posting had similarity ).
At home, while i was listening to radio, i heared a child screaming outside. I was listening to a broadcasting about "living/extended voice", and the child that in the first moment sounded normally changed his screaming to something like this, varying the long tones widely, really loud, a howling song, without breaks for drawing breath between. I have never heared a child scream like this. Don't really know how long, usually five minutes or so. Then a woman arrived at the child, said something if it had fallen down, and the child immediatly turned it to a normal scream and stopped. Could have been reprehension for the vowel two days before.
When i left home about one hour later, three people came down the street here, two men and a woman. At the streetcrossing the left( from my view ), a tall blonde man, dark clothing, said " That's how it is"( "das ist so" ), sounded as if he wanted to say that he heared the child also, and that this was odd. Later three people came owards me, two men and a woman, lefties in their 20ies. A man with short hair and dark clothing stopped and said with an overdone deep voice "there will be rain"( "es wird regen geben" ), also taking an according posture.The two others looked at him and laughed, and turning around the punkish girl looked into my face, somehow expecting. So this was again a comment on the radio, before the extented-voice broadcasting there was one wich mentioned shaman in todays nepal. Seemed the three have been told i would be a wannabe-shaman, and now they hoped to unmask me. When i arrived back a man who looked like patrol passed me near the entrance. His expression, and also the way he was dressed fitted to this, all in blue, basecap, fligthjacket, freshly shaved head. Looked serious and concentrated, maybe 40, trained.
When i brougth down the waste about 10 min later, there was an older couple at a car at the streetcrossing. The man explained towards the woman" this is not really true"( "das stimmt ja so nicht ganz" ), then he turned around, and said "the godlike"( "der göttliche" )in the direction opposite to me, where the "das ist so"-three came from one hour before. He had a mustache of about the shape attached to those classic plastik-noses, glasses, was wearing a brown coat.
When i was outside in the early evening there were nosegesturers twice, kind of if-you-think-this-is-a-gesture-it's-you-gesturers, but to show that it is they did it both the same way, and both were dressed in black. The first was at the park, the second one at an entrance in the street here, while a boy on a bicycle came towards me, coughing, twice with "o" that sounded much like kiai.
I walked to a petrolstation in the evening, a man came across the street and offered me to buy a magazine, i bougth one. Didn't look at him directly, maybe just because it's enough that day. He was wearing an orange hooded sweater beneath his jeans-jacket. A girl who passed me complained somewhat that i didn't look at her, maybe i was too absent. On the other side of the streetcrossing there were two women, one criticized "they are dressed badly"( "sie sind schlecht angezogen" )when i came closer.

The 7th was specially calm.
When i was in a small shop in the early afternoon a big man came towards me and looked into my eyes, that was what he was there for, whyever.
I had tryed a jacket in the afternoon, the clerk said they just got them new.
About half an hour after i was back i walked to the supermarket, then a woman crossed the street and entered one of the houses at the end. Seemed she was wearing that jacket.
Somewhere in the afternoon i heared a woman shouting a "no"( "nein !" ), sounded as if she wanted to stop other people.